10 Thoughts that can Destroy Relationships

Along with communication problems,  negative and insecure thoughts are also roots of broken relationships.

While it’s crucial for both partners to listen to each other and reflect on their partner’s needs, they also should be open about any underlying thoughts they may be keeping to themselves. Although most issues need time to be resolved the first step is to be aware of the way you think about your partner as there are some thoughts that can destroy relationships.

Example one:  ‘s/he doesn’t love me any more’.  It’s reasonable to worry when your significant other begins to invest less time into your relationship,  but constantly asking for confirmation of their feelings can stir up conflict.  If you’re always asking ‘do you really love me’ your partner may start to wonder if there’s cause for concern.   In fact, your concerns may turn into reality if your partner begins to feel overwhelmed by your constant need to validate your relationship.   Instead of jumping to conclusions,  communicate the feelings you have and work together to become closer.

Two: Read My Mind.  It’s toxic to believe your significant other should automatically know what you’re thinking.  No one has the power to read minds, thinking she should know how much it bothers me when she leaves my side at parties or he should know ‘today is important to me’ isn’t fair to your partner when you’ve never actually discussed these feelings with them.  Instead of feeling disappointed or pretending you’re okay, communicate your frustrations to your partner.

Three:  ‘It’s their fault’ .   It’s easy to point fingers and blame the other person when you’re upset, but thinking ‘it’s his fault I’m having a bad day’ or ‘it’s her fault we’re in this mess’ will only worsen your relationship.

Instead, try to take some responsibility for the situation and if you find that you upset your partner as well, make an apology which may in turn influence them to apologize too .  We can’t predict or control what happens in a relationship but we can control how we react towards negative situations .

Four:  It’s not fair to your partner when you jump to conclusions about them that aren’t based on real evidence.   Common examples include assuming they’re having an affair when they come home late from work even though they tell you it’s because they had to work overtime. It’s important to see your significant other for who they are and learn not to blow little things out of proportion.

Five:  ‘Less than perfect ‘.  When you start to compare your significant other to your ideal partner you’re placing unrealistic expectations on them.  Even comparing them to a friend’s partner or a former old partner can be harmful.  It’s important to respect who your current partner is and understand that they’re not perfect.   If there are qualities or traits you admire in someone else just let your partner know what they did and find out if it’s something they’re willing to try or change.

Six:  ‘I wish.’  Sometimes on bad days you might find yourself fantasizing what it would be like to be with someone else.  If you frequently have these thoughts you’ll prioritize those possibilities over your current relationship. Relationships aren’t smooth or easy and changing partners won’t prevent you from experiencing similar conflicts in your new relationship.  Remember there’s a difference between a relationship that will never work out and a relationship that can grow with extra effort.

Seven: ‘All or Nothing’.  You might see your partner as someone who can do no right or no wrong, and think they can always or never make you happy.   Make sure you’re not having such extreme thoughts.   Establish a safe,  stable ground the two of you can exist on.  Learn to take in your partner’s mistakes, failures and accomplishments in moderation without seeing those elements as all defining.   It’ll prevent you from putting your partner on a pedestal or only focusing on negative traits.

Eight:  ‘Labeling.’  Label slinging occurs when you generalize who your partner is; for example you might call them lazy for leaving a few dishes around.   Although it’s common to see the worst of your partners on bad days, if you’re constantly labeling them it becomes hard for you to focus on their positive sides and prevents you from helping them grow out of bad habits.  They may even feel as though they’ll only ever amount to that label letting little room for improvement.

Nine:  Playing Head Games.  If power struggles start to affect you, they may lead to thoughts about trying to outsmart your partner or gain the upper hand in the relationship.   You’ll believe your partner has ulterior motives and try to gain an advantage over you.   Although power struggles usually only come after the initial stages of romance and attraction they need to be overcome in order for a relationship to grow and last.  You must relinquish your desire for power and drive for real happiness.

Ten:  ‘What happened to us?’  Married couples often think this as their relationship changes over time.   It’s normal to reminisce but try not to look back.   Couples often forget that there’s more to look forward to  when they think their relationship won’t be as exciting in the future.   That robs the relationship of its full potential.   Relationships are constantly evolving but that doesn’t mean they can’t be as exciting as they were in the beginning.

Those are ten trouble spot thoughts that couples potentially run into in a relationship.   Have you experienced any of them in one of your relationships?   What do you think we can do to overcome them?  Please share your thoughts in the comments below, and with your partner 🙂 .

 

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